Go, you chicken fat, go away!

March 2011

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Member Since:

May 12, 2008



Goal Type:


Running Accomplishments:

I started running again in 2007 after 14 years of not running.

Mile - 4:59 (high school 1992), 5:57 (9/21/2010 ARR Open Mile)

2 mile - 11:10 (high school 1992)

5k - 21:54 (11/18/2010 Tempe Road Runners 5k)

10k - 48:29 (5/9/2009 Race for Hospice)

Unofficial 10k - 47:11 (1/27/2011 Red Mountain Park)

1/2 marathon - 1:49:00 (4/4/2009 Havasu Half)

Marathon - 4:33:09 (11/21/2009 Mesquite Marathon)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Run a half marathon in under two hours.

Run a marathon in close to 4 hours.

Long-Term Running Goals:

Stay healthy long enough to live through the millenium.


I am married and have six kids. 

Blog title explanation

Bloggers I've met in real life: 1MileToGo, Aaron Kennard, Andrea North, Arizona Desert Monsoon, auntieem, Bec, Ben, Benjamin, Bonnie, Camille, Cari, Collin Anderson, David Holt, DooneEight Kid Mom, Erico, Flatlander, Gary, Jake Krong, JamesW, Jose, Josse, Julieesplin, JunKelli, Kerri, KP, Kyle Dion, Lightitup, Little Bad Legs, Lybi, Marthon Dreamer, M, Mary Ann Schauerhamer, Misty, Nan, Peds Endo Doc, Rachelle, RADRhett, Riley Cook, Rossy, runningafterbabies, Sasha, Scott Hughes, Scott (Kelli's husband), Scott Wesemann, Slow Joe, Spencer Simpson, Stephen, Steve Piccolo, Susie, The Rookie, Toby, Tracy, Twinkies, TylerS, Walter

Favorite Blogs:

Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 74.86 Year: 74.86
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Lifetime Miles: 802.53
Asics Gel 3030 Lifetime Miles: 204.85
Saucony Hurricane 13 Lifetime Miles: 149.22
Asics Gel DS Trainer 17 Lifetime Miles: 87.49
Mizuno Wave Inspire 9 Lifetime Miles: 800.59
Brooks Ravenna 4 Lifetime Miles: 88.83
Mizuno X10 Trail Lifetime Miles: 105.76
Mizuno Wave Inspire 10 Lifetime Miles: 800.21
Asics Gel Kayano 21 Lifetime Miles: 3.99
Mizuno Wave Inspire 11 (blue) Lifetime Miles: 364.24
New Balance 1260v5 Lifetime Miles: 9.19
Reebok Floatride Lifetime Miles: 8.23
Total Distance
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 84.81
Weight: 197.00
Total Distance

I wanted to do a small recovery run so I took both Ginger and Cinnamon out.  Cinnamon is the new dog we got for Christmas.  Santa's elves brought her a couple of weeks early because it was so cold at the North Pole.  Well, she pretty much sucks at running.  Actually she finally got the hang of it on the way back.  But on the way out she was running in circles around me, jumping on Ginger, stopping.  Once I reached the canal I let go of Ginger's  leash because she's pretty well trained to stop on command.  Then Cinnamon wanted to run side by side with her.  Ginger stopped to poop once, but Cinammon was good.  Overall, I think she liked it.  And she didn't drop over dead which is another plus.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 1.55
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Congratulations to Melody for having her baby.  William Robert was born at 5:11pm. 19 inches.  6lbs. 15oz.

I think I will call him Billy Burt.

Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

"Give me your tired, your poor

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"

This morning Lady Liberty was a Mexican with tattoos up and down his arms.  Of course I high fived him.  I may live in Arizona, but I have no problems with the huddled masses coming over as long as they do it legally.  That reminds of one of the first short stories I wrote that wasn't for school.  I put it below if you have time to read it and you're not easily offended.   

Time - 46:54 (avg. pace 8:38)

Splits - 8:31, 8:30, 8:35, 8:41, 8:45, 3:52


Do not read this story if all you care about is running.

It was a cold winter night.  No, wait, wrong story.  I was preparing orders in the drive thru at McDonald's one day.  I was feeling pretty good because subconsciously I knew that my days in the fast food industry were coming to an end.  I had two jobs at the time; the other being an intern at a civil engineering firm.  I guess you could say that I really didn't care what the customers thought anymore, although I still took pride in my work and kept a cheery disposition.

A man with a foreign accent (I'm not sure where he was from) and his wife came through the drive thru this day riding along in his brand new black Volkswagen Beetle.  Undoubtedly, he was feeling pretty proud of his new set of wheels.  He ordered a Happy Meal (probably for his grandson).  When he got to the first window to pay for his order he added on two apple pies.  I missed that.  I got his Happy Meal ready, handed it to him, and told him to have a nice day.  Then I proceeded to bag up the next order.

Well, I heard this honk coming from outside the window, and instinctively I looked up his order on the screen.  I realized that he ordered two apple pies at the first window, so I bagged a couple up and brought them to him.
I told him sorry about that and hoped that would be the end.  But he just had to push it.  He looked at me over his nose and said, "No apple pies, no napkins, no straws, no ketchup."  (As if he were better than me, and by the way, there was a  straw and napkins.)  I handed him a straw, napkins, and ketchup, apologized again, and told him to have a nice day.  He still wasn't satisfied.  He looked at me over his nose again and said, "Huh, you guys are really messing up today."

That's when I snapped.  I said right back at him, "Messing up?  It looks like you messed up when you bought that car."

So, here's the middle aged man, driving what he thinks is a cool car, trying to show how much better he is than any fast food employee, and the cold truth splashes him right in the face.  For some reason he took offense to that comment instead of taking it with a grain of salt and doing something to remedy it.  Next he told me he wanted to speak to the manager.  I did a quarter turn, turned back, and said, "I'm the manager.  Can I help you?"  He said, "Well, I'm taking you're name down."  I said, "I don't know what good it's going to do you.  You can't get me fired."  Then he said, "Well, I'm going to report you."  I said, "I'm going to report you, too.  To the immigration services."  Wow!  The flabbergasted look on his wife's face was precious.  She said, "You can't say that."  The man finished writing my name down, and left.

Just so there's a sense of closure to this story, about a month later when I only had a few days left, a supervisor approached me and said, "You know, I got this funny phone call.  I don't know the details that lead up to it, but apparently you told somebody they had an ugly car.  Let's try not to do that anymore."  That was the last I heard of the man with the ugly car.  Yes, this is truly a memory that I will treasure for years and years to come.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.43
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I'm pretty sure I broke a world record today in running.

Time - 47:51 (avg. pace 8:50)

Splits - 8:38, 8:37, 8:53, 9:01, 8:55, 3:48 for 0.42

Poo poo.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.42
Weight: 197.00
Total Distance

I wasn't feeling too great this morning.  I've got some congestion deep in my lungs.  I hope it's not pneumonia.  I tried to stay just outside of the wheezing realm.

Time - 25:04 (avg. pace 8:22)

Splits - 8:23, 8:25, 8:18

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Since Nan ran the 15k National Championships today, I thought it would only be fitting to run 15 miles.  Plus, I think I ran at twice her pace.  So, that's cool.

I took off at about 10am.  It was 75° out.  Of course I didn't pack any water because that's how I roll.  I ran towards the east because that's the direction of the Superstition Mountains and thus uphill.  I ran straight down Broadway and turned around at 7.5.  It's a 200 foot climb there, so I kept telling myself that all I had to do was make it, then cruise back.

At mile 7.2 another guy was running towards me.  He looked like he was moving pretty good, so I gave him a high five.  As I was running I texted my wife that I was at 7.5, so I might as well turn around.  Only I accidently texted Vanessa who is the first V in my phone and Victoria is the 2nd.  At least Vanessa was impressed.  Oh, and the word around came out "crowne."

At mile 8 I stopped at a gas station and used the bathroom.  I drank water out of the sink.  Then at mile 10 I stopped at another gas station to drink out of the bathroom sink.  I knew there was no gas station at mile 14, but I remembered seeing a PowerAde on the side of the road.  Don't judge me.  I was so thirsty people.  I removed the lid and took a whiff.  It smelled okay.  There was about 4 oz. in it.  I downed it in one gulp.  Now I probably have gonorrhea.  At mile 14 I drank from the bathroom sink one more time.  Then I realized how late it was and that I was supposed to be at my Del Sol Ragnar team's celebratory picnic in  a few minutes.  Anyway, I was late, and after spending most of the day in the sun, I'm a beautiful shade of crimson.

Time - 2:22:22 (avg. pace 9:30)

First Half Splits - 9:09, 9:10, 9:26, 9:27, 9:38, 9:33, 9:43, 5:01 (9:52 pace)

Second Half Splits - 8:52, 8:58, 9:10, 9:32, 9:36, 10:02, 10:02, 5:02 (10:16 pace)

4 second positive split.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 15.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

3 mile recovery run.  So Friday we saw this pigeon out in the road with its wings spread out struggling to move.  Then the car in the lane next to us plowed it over and it was like a feather bomb went off.  Saturday I saw a dove in the road while I was running that appeared to have a broken wing.  I felt bad for it, but you know, circle of life and everything.  Then today as I was running along the canal bank I swear a dove was trying to commit suicide by laying across the Union Burtific RR tracks.  I didn't see it in the shadow of a tree at first, but when I got close to it, it was staring right at me not moving.  I swerved around it, and it waddled away.  What's wrong with these birds?  Maybe they have bird flu.

Time - 27:23 (avg. pace 9:08)

Splits - 9:07, 9:02, 9:14

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I went to some uncharted territory for me this morning.  I did not like the new route, and I'll tell you why.  At the corner of Gilbert and Broadway I had to run past the day laborers.  I know they were checking me out.  Those pervs.  Then a half a mile later this lady made a left hand turn without stopping for me.  I yelled at her and let her know that she wasn't a very good driver.  Then a half mile later this guy made an illegal right hand turn.  There are two signs posted that say NO TURN ON RED.  I yelled at him three times, but he still turned.  What a ghetto.

Time - 1:02:19 (avg. pace 8:29)

Splits - 8:20, 8:26, 6:58 (surge), 9:03, 8:48, 8:53, 8:52, 2:59

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 7.35
Weight: 197.00
Total Distance

Make sure to congratulate Nan on her 2nd place finish at the 15k National Championships.

Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

1.66 miles!  Game on Britta!  

I didn't have a whole lot of time to go running today.  But I've been feeding my sister in law's dogs while they're on vacation.  So, that's at least a mile.  But part of my 1.66 miles was from last night.  I added the two short runs together to make one, well, still short run, but better than nothing.  

Last night I did my first volunteer shift on my way to new shoes.  It was the first Third Thursday adventure run put on by Tempe Road Runner Sports.  I got to camp out by me lonesome (did that sound Irish?) and hand out raffle tickets to the runners.  I was the secret checkpoint location that you only know where it is when you follow them on Facebook.  It was fun.

Time - 14:02 (avg. pace 8:27)

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 1.66
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

So I've got some friends on Facebook.  You know the kind that only accepted my friend request out of pity?  Oh, is that just me?  Anyway, I heard they were going on a group run this morning, so I invited myself.  I think they ditched me.  South Mountain is a big area, so maybe I just went to the wrong meeting location.  I'd like to think that, but just ask RAD.  I'm a creeper.  

There was a sign at the beginning of the trail.  It said that we would be seeing a lot of little flags on the trail today.  They are to mark dog poop. I guess they're really trying to crack down on people cleaning up after their dogs.  You know, it's just not healthy for the environment.  I don't think they made it a quarter mile before they ran out of flags.  On the way back I counted them.  82.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 9.80
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Recovery run from Saturday.  Nice and easy 3 miles without a Garmin.  It was a nice run even though it was windy and there were a few sprinkles.  Yet, it was still 62°.  Here's a picture from the turn around point of my Saturday South Mountain extravaganza.  Panorama style!


Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

My wife is the prettiest, sweetest, best everything! I'm sorry I ever said anything to the contrary. I will no longer mention her in a bad light on my blog....

Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I really need to start getting to bed earlier.  But the lure of Operation Repo and Pranked is just to tempting.

3 miles this morning.  1 mile warm up, 1 mile fast (for me), 1 mile cool down.  I gave the customary high five to Mexican Liberty.  As I was running by the canal I saw a duck.  I thought how cool it would be if the ducks that have been frequenting our front yard were there when I finished my run.  Just as I finished as if on cue, they touched down in my lawn.  I sat down and watched them for a few minutes.  There was some stale bread left over from the last time my kids fed them that I threw to them.

Splits - 8:05, 6:43, 8:40


PM Run

Group run up at Las Sendas.  Las Sendas is kind of a ritzy area.  Very nice houses.  Gated communites.  Desert preservation.  Tonight I saw a couple of cop cars driving around.  I wondered what they were doing.  Then we ran passed a guy walking his little pooch.  Shortly after that I heard a noise in the bushes up by a wall.  I glanced over and saw a large shadow.  I was going to keep running, but I remebered the police cars.  So I stopped and went back.  There were two javelinas.  Up until last year I'd never seen any in the wild.  It was pretty cool, but they are mean.  I hope they didn't eat the little pooch.

Distance - 4.53

Splits - 8:50, 8:53, 8:58, 9:34, 5:18 for 0.53

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 7.53
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I didn't get a run in Saturday like I should have.  In the morning was my daughter's baptism and confirmation.  In the afternoon I did the temple work for my brother-in-law Jesus.  It was a pretty good weekend.  Yesterday was spent in anticipation that the crazy cast of Celebrity Apprentice wouldn't ruin the image of my snake oil company.

So this morning I thought I would have a great run being well rested and all.  But immediately I didn't feel too hot.  I felt like I was going to hurl so I kept it slow.  At the half way point I had pressure in my bowels.  I was disappointed because I tried to pinch a loaf before I left.  But I tried to keep my mind on something else to distract me.  It kept coming back to a certain blogger's race report who had colon bleeding after her marathon.  That didn't help much.

Time - 48:58 (avg. pace 8:53)

Splits - 8:53, 8:49, 8:52, 8:55, 8:50, 9:06

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.51
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I'm not going to talk about that "other" subject, although I could thanks to an ill-mannered horse that traversed the sidewalk between today and yesterday.  Instead I want to talk about something else that is so embarrassing it makes my cheeks red - wedgies. 

Lately it seems I've been getting more and more of them.  Or I've noticed them more.  Why am I constantly having to untuck?  I may be carrying around a little extra junk in the trunk.  I've been toying around with that Clydesdale division again.  I know it can't be suction.  More often than not I'm ventilating.  Well, two dollars to whomever can solve this mystery.

Lady Liberty hasn't been around the last two days.  Don't people still have to do their taxes?  Yesterday my last half mile was the slowest part of my run so today I purposefully picked up the pace.  However, coming down the home stretch I saw my neighbor Jeff.  A couple of months ago he got in a bad motorcycle accident.  He shattered his knee, broke his neck in two places, and had to get 16 stitches in his head.  He flagged me down.  He asked if I could help the tow truck driver load his hog up so it could get fixed.  I was happy to oblige.  I think he was happy that I got my sweaty DNA all over his bike, too.

Time - 46:22 (avg. pace 8:23)

Splits - 8:24, 8:21, 8:35, 8:34, 8:25, 4:02 for 0.53 (7:39 pace)

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.53
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Today was weird.  I was in a great mood all day yesterday.  But I was a little cranky for sleeping in this morning.  So, I had a good run, but felt cranky about it.  I wanted to push the 5th mile because I usually just do my fast miles on mile 2.  I was pleased with my effort.

Time - 45:16 (avg. pace 8:13)

Splits - 8:42, 8:22, 8:24, 8:24, 6:54, 4:31 for 0.52 (8:46 pace)

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.52
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Slow recovery run.  Not much to say.  So let's post some splits and get to the pictures.

Time - 50:20 (avg. pace 9:08)

Splits - 9:11, 8:59, 9:04, 9:16, 9:04, 4:48

Congratulations to TylerS and KellieS for the birth of their new baby daughter.  I have a feeling she's going to be fast.

And here's another picture of me from Del Sol for no particular reason.  Hee hee.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.51
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 84.81
Weight: 197.00
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