Go, you chicken fat, go away!

2011 February Tempe Road Runners Free Monthly 5k

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Member Since:

May 12, 2008



Goal Type:


Running Accomplishments:

I started running again in 2007 after 14 years of not running.

Mile - 4:59 (high school 1992), 5:57 (9/21/2010 ARR Open Mile)

2 mile - 11:10 (high school 1992)

5k - 21:54 (11/18/2010 Tempe Road Runners 5k)

10k - 48:29 (5/9/2009 Race for Hospice)

Unofficial 10k - 47:11 (1/27/2011 Red Mountain Park)

1/2 marathon - 1:49:00 (4/4/2009 Havasu Half)

Marathon - 4:33:09 (11/21/2009 Mesquite Marathon)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Run a half marathon in under two hours.

Run a marathon in close to 4 hours.

Long-Term Running Goals:

Stay healthy long enough to live through the millenium.


I am married and have six kids. 

Blog title explanation

Bloggers I've met in real life: 1MileToGo, Aaron Kennard, Andrea North, Arizona Desert Monsoon, auntieem, Bec, Ben, Benjamin, Bonnie, Camille, Cari, Collin Anderson, David Holt, DooneEight Kid Mom, Erico, Flatlander, Gary, Jake Krong, JamesW, Jose, Josse, Julieesplin, JunKelli, Kerri, KP, Kyle Dion, Lightitup, Little Bad Legs, Lybi, Marthon Dreamer, M, Mary Ann Schauerhamer, Misty, Nan, Peds Endo Doc, Rachelle, RADRhett, Riley Cook, Rossy, runningafterbabies, Sasha, Scott Hughes, Scott (Kelli's husband), Scott Wesemann, Slow Joe, Spencer Simpson, Stephen, Steve Piccolo, Susie, The Rookie, Toby, Tracy, Twinkies, TylerS, Walter

Favorite Blogs:

Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 21.96 Year: 568.70
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Lifetime Miles: 802.53
Asics Gel 3030 Lifetime Miles: 204.85
Saucony Hurricane 13 Lifetime Miles: 149.22
Asics Gel DS Trainer 17 Lifetime Miles: 87.49
Mizuno Wave Inspire 9 Lifetime Miles: 800.59
Brooks Ravenna 4 Lifetime Miles: 88.83
Mizuno X10 Trail Lifetime Miles: 103.15
Mizuno Wave Inspire 10 Lifetime Miles: 800.21
Asics Gel Kayano 21 Lifetime Miles: 3.99
Mizuno Wave Inspire 11 (blue) Lifetime Miles: 163.46
New Balance 1260v5 Lifetime Miles: 9.19
Reebok Floatride Lifetime Miles: 8.23
Total Distance
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 87.69
Weight: 195.67
Total Distance

Emily's in the hospital so I didn't run yesterday.  A lady from church brought dinner over last night, and I ate a bunch of brownies, so I had to run today.  This morning Lady Liberty was wearing pink gloves instead of purple.  Also a City of Mesa worker was out policing the recycle bins on my street.  Apparently styrofoam isn't an acceptable material for recycling.  Also, apparently styrofoam isn't a recognized word by my spell checker.

I was looking at the results for London's Run yesterday, and Ox's name wasn't in the results.  I texted him and told him that I hoped I didn't get him disqualified.  He contacted the race director and got it squared away. But it did get me thinking about whether or not I should have been out there running on the course.  At first I thought it wasn't a big deal to just run the last five miles with him as long as I didn't cross the finish line, use the portajohns, drink the water/powerade, take any gus, etc.  I've read a lot of blog reports about people who finish and go back out and run their friends in.  I guess that's the difference though.  They paid to be in the race.  So, I hope I didn't do anything too terribly unethical.

Cool things that happened at London's Run - I chased two coyotes out of the farm fields.  Ox threw a cup of powerade in his face.  I didn't run the last 600 feet through the chute, and I told an older couple that I just couldn't make it.

Time - 45:51 (avg. pace 8:20)

Splits - 8:22,  8:08, 8:16, 8:25, 8:27, 4:14

PM  Workout

Distance - 5 miles

Time - 42:53 (avg. pace 8:35)

Splits - 8:48, 8:36, 8:39, 8:38, 8:13

In your face Shimelle!

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 10.50
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

The wind picked up yesterday afternoon and hasn't let up.  Early this morning the power went out.  The best part was that my sister was in the bathroom.  I got my younger kids off to school and came back to go on my run.  It was 31°!  That wasn't going to stop me from running in shorts, althought I did wear a long-sleeved shirt.  I saw Lady Liberty as I was running down Val Vista, but then I saw her walk away.  As I ran by I spotted her waving at me from her car.  I hugged myself and shivered as if to say, "It's freakin' cold!"  She over-exaggeratedly shook her head in agreement.

Time - 26:17 (avg. pace 8:45)

Splits - 8:36, 8:36, 9:05

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

5.42 was all I could muster.  I kept it real slow.  I'm coming down with some kind of respiratory infection.  (I'm entering this on Friday morning.  I've been up since quarter to 4 with my lungs filling up.)  Hack it out Burt!

Time - 50:32 (avg. pace 9:20)

Splits - 9:01, 9:04, 9:14, 9:29, 9:41, 4:04

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.42
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

No running again today.  Gonna wait so that this bronchitis doesn't become pneumonia.

But...I did meet a new blogger today!  Runningafterbabies was as charming in real life as she is on the blog.  And she is definitely pregnant.  Boy is she pregnant.  Unfortunately for her the weather wasn't quite as warm as the text books say it is about Phoenix.  Hopefully I'll be able to post a picture soon when she emails it to me.

Tonight I'll be spending the night in the hospital with Emily so my wife can spend it at home.  Let's hope Emily gets to go home tomorrow.

Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I wanted to run this afternoon.  Then I thought it would be best to wait 'til morning.  Then my wife reminded me that I needed to take Clash of the Titans back to RedBox.  So I decided a couple of miles wouldn't hurt.  Kept it nice and slow.  Tonight reminded me why I hardly ever blow snotrockets.  I don't want to talk about it.

Time - 19:35 (avg. pace 9:49)

Splits - 9:56, 9:42

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 2.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I felt a lot better this morning.  Still I kept it slow.  My Lady Liberty wasn't there this morning, but I did get a patriotic slap to the face by an American flag.  I should watch where I'm going.  Then when I turned the corner onto Southern I saw a different Lady Liberty, but this was a young African American dude.  He didn't look all that happy to be there and seemed to be living inside his mind.  As soon as I put my hand up for a high five I could see in his eyes that he had come back to reality, and he knew right away how it important it was to reciprocate that high five; a high five to let freedom ring.

I continued on and saw a lady crossing the street by the canal.  She had a pretty big dog.  I wondered if I could beat her by staying on the street while she cut across along the canal.  She beat me.  But she had to wait to cross the road again and I went to pass her.  I told her good job and put my hand out for a five.  She nervously gave me a five back, and her dog got a little protective.  I won't be doing that again.

Time - 47:48 (avg. pace 8:41)

Splits - 8:49, 8:32, 8:33, 8:48, 8:43, 4:25

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.50
Weight: 193.00
Total Distance

5 out of 6 of my Ragnar van came for the group run/van meeting.  We met at a central location which happens to be the Ragnar course finish line at Tempe Town Lake.  Glen and I ran together.  We ran twice around the lake.  We started out pretty fast.  But after two and a half miles I saw a portajohn and made good use of it.  Glen was kind enough to wait for me.  That gave Shannon and Michael a chance to catch up.  We passed them again in quick order.  I think they ended up running about 6 miles.  We saw Liz on the backside.  Not sure how far she went, but we all got a good workout in.  Then we made assignments, and now everyone's excited for the big race in two weeks!

Time - 1:18:27 (avg. pace 8:10)

Splits - 7:35, 7:37, 7:37, 8:04, 8:21, 8:29, 8:23, 8:23, 8:38, 5:20

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 9.61
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

Recovery run.  Nobody to slap high fives to today except the kids and their parents at the elementary school.  I'll keep my creeper status to random strangers, Lady Liberties, and the internet.

Time - 26:13 (avg. pace 8:45)

Splits - 8:51, 8:39, 8:44

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.00
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

I ate a lot last night.  Hey, it was Valentine's Day.  We had heart-shaped meatloaf and potatoes dyed pink.  The green beans were dyed pink, too, but pink and green make, grink?  Since last year I had to watch the movie Valentine's Day for Valentine's Day (I was so lucky there were no hot pokers lying around to gouge into my eyes), I picked the movie this year.  I chose the A-Team.  Now that's a Valentine's Day flick!  Then I sliced up some cheese, summer sausage, smoked oysters, and got some crackers because that's always our romantic midnight snack.  Also, the Girl Scout Cookies came in today, so I downed some of those along with some chocolate ice cream.  Needless to say, I had some calories to burn off this morning.  And tomorrow morning.  Pretty much every morning for a couple of weeks now.

Time - 1:06:47

Splits - 8:34, 8:36, 8:37, 8:32, 8:36, 8:30, 8:34, 6:50 for 0.80 (8:34 pace)

Avg. pace - 8:34

Standard Deviation - 2.3 sec/mile

Median - 8:34

Mode - 8:34

Range - 7 sec

Variance - 5.3 s2

Probability of the 3rd mile falling within 1.8 seconds of the avg. pace with an 86% confidence interval - gonna need some help on this one, Bonnie.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 7.80
Weight: 196.00
Total Distance

I'm not going to run today.  Decision made.  I want my legs as fresh as possible for the last 5k tomorrow afternoon.  I sure did enjoy those runs.  Now they're going to replace it with a new kind of free run.  It's like an urban race.  You have to go around within a 3 mile radius and collect tickets from various places of work.  Then you get entered into a raffle where there supposed to be giving away like $3000 in prizes.  Sounds fun.  But if you volunteer three times for the race, you get new shoes.  Not a $100 gift card towards a new pair of shoes, any shoe off the rack!  So, I'm totally going to volunteer and get the most expenisve shoe in the store even if I hate it.

Weight: 0.00
Race: 2011 February Tempe Road Runners Free Monthly 5k (3.1 Miles) 00:22:21, Place overall: 3
Total Distance

No accidental PR today.  I tried, (can you accidently try?) but the two donuts I had earlier in the day were my bane.  Oh, and last night's bout with half a pint of ice cream.  And the wrestle with the Valentine's clearance chocolate.  The numbers were stacked against me, and it wasn't a fair fight.

The "race" started as it always does with one of the store employee's starting a stop watch.  It's an out and back course along the Tempe Town Lake.  They finally got the distance right which was nice.  I was at the front of line, so I had the lead for all of a quarter of a second.  Another one of the store's employees was running, and he assumed his rightful spot in first place.  I tucked in behind him because he seemed to be running quite effortlessly.  Unfortunately, his sub 6 minute pace does require much effort for me.  I let him go, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in the wind.  Shortly thereafter a couple of guys passed me.  I wondered if they were posers or the real deal.  One stayed strong, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in an elevator.  The other petered out, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in a game of blue darts.  I maintained a steady pace and passed him after three quarters of a mile, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language of the silent but violent nature.

I turned around at the halfway point and saw that there was a guy not too far behind me who I would have to hold off, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language on a first date.  However I knew he was probably hurting as much as me if not more, like a Filiberto's carne asada Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language   I remember Karen told me to throw in a surge when in doubt, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language you can't control when you have the hiccups.  That seemed to do the trick because he became less of a threat, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language on the toilet.  Now I wondered if I could PR with a strong last mile.  But I was worn out, like a lingering Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in a landfill.

It took me a while to catch my breath, but I was happy with the effort.  I didn't win the shoes in the raffle, but I wouldn't have accepted them anyway.  There was some heart-shaped chocolates that I took advantage of.  Then I came home to a delicious home cooked meal of ultimate nachos.  Tonight is going to be like a...hmmm...I just can't think of anything to say.

Splits - 7:08, 7:21, 7:10, 0:46

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.10
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

It's been raining quite a bit today.  I've been wearing my running clothes for most of the day just waiting to go out.  I finally decided to go right after dinner.  What better training for Ragnar than right after eating two hot dogs and some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese?  I ran the first half mile with my sister-in-law as she rode her bike home.  Immediately I felt my belly jiggling.  I knew it would be a fun run.  My main focus was to not puke.  After about a mile it started raining again.  I got pretty soaked, but I was already sweating.  Hot dogs do that to you.  Speaking of dogs, there was a big dead one in the gutter.  It was pretty grizzly.  I don't like seeing dead things.  One time I came across this bum passed out on the sidewalk that I thought was dead.  That pretty much ruined my run.

Time - 48:57 (avg. pace 9:04)

Splits - 8:59, 9:09, 9:10, 9:08, 9:00, 3:31

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.40
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

There was an entirely new "Lady" Liberty out this morning.  These people must be a dime a dozen.  His sign said Honk for Liberty so I yelled at him to give me a high five for liberty.  Of course he did.  I was glad to see the dead dog was gone.

I guess I should tell the story about the time I saw the bum passed out on the sidewalk.  When I lived 8 miles from work I would run home once a week.  This was a few months before I was a blogger.  One hot summer day as I was headed home saw an object in the middle of the sidewalk.  I couldn't make out what it was at first.  I had my headphones on, probably listening to The Final Countdown at the time, and I was carrying my cell phone which was my Garmin.  "Is that a pile of clothes?" was my first thought.  "No.  It's in the shape of a human being.  Clearly it can't be a human being because even though the sun is about to go down, the sidewalk is freakin' hot!"  I got a little closer and thought, "Is that a blow up doll?  I guess someone will be lonely tonight."  But as I got within 10 feet I saw that it was indeed a man.  I pulled my headphones out and said, "Oh crud."  As I ran by him I yelled at him, "Sir, are you okay?"  Nothing.  Again, "Oh crud."  I knew I had to stop and turn around.

At this point I look for any signs of movement.  The dude is just laying there, eyes closed head pointing upwards.  I yell again.  His chest doesn't even look like it's moving.  The only thing I could think of was how my father had just passed away a few months earlier, and I had to dress him for the funeral.  There didn't seem to be much difference between what this guy looked like and the corpse of my father.  I didn't want to touch him.  So I dialed 911 and told him that there was a body in the middle of the sidewalk and it's not showing any signs of life.  About that time two ladies came running up.  One bent over and woke the guy up.  I told the dispatcher he was alive, but even it didn't matter if he was alive or dead.  Nobody should be sleeping in the middle of a sidewalk especially with how hot it was.

Anyway, I was pretty much freaked out after that and only made it another mile before I called my wife to come pick me.  The moral of the story is if you see a dead body in the sidewalk, kick it.

Time - 46:50 (avg. pace 8:30)

Splits - 8:31, 8:24, 8:32, 8:33, 8:31, 4:20

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.51
Weight: 198.00
Total Distance

How sad is it that I can't push the pace anymore without thinking about how RAD wants to beat me all the time?

Monday I was running by this lady who noticed my Ragnar shirt and said, "This weekend!"  So today when I saw two other ladies out on their power walk I remembered that little encounter.  Then I thought about how my Ragnar shirt is blue and the shirt I was wearing today was white.  Then I remembered that I forgot to put my Body Glide on today.  (Yep, I splurged on some Body Glide about a month ago.)  So I looked to make sure I wasn't bleeding.  I was good.  I guess you could say that since I didn't have a break through, I had a break through in nipular strengthening.

Time - 43:34 (avg. pace 7:54)

Splits - 7:57, 7:40, 7:56, 7:59, 7:55, 4:08

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.51
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance

This picture was sent to me by a good friend of mine who may or may not be a member of this running blog.  At the risk of losing my following, I'm going to post it.

So Ragnar had this contest for 4 people to win a spot on teams comprised of former Biggest Loser contestants in their Southern California race.  Since a Biggest Loser contest at my work and the first Ragnar Del Sol relay are what got me back into running, I decided to write an essay and enter.  I did not win :(  But yesterday I got another email from Ragnar thanking me for entering the contest and saying that I get a free individual race entry to the Ragnar of my choice this year!  I'm excited.  I'll probably choose Vegas again.  That's a fun one.

This will probably be my last entry before Ragnar this weekend.  And I probably won't post the race report until late Sunday.  So to my huge Internet following, I apologize now.

Weight: 0.00
Race: 2011 Ragnar Del Sol relay (21.34 Miles) 02:53:38
Total Distance

The night was sultry.

What can I say about my 8th Ragnar?  Still as wild and crazy as ever.  I was on the same team as last year with a few new faces.  Van #2 was Michael, Corena, and Kristin who all ran last year, with newcomers Christy, Julie, and Vernon.  Van #1 was me, Glen, Eddie, and Shannon who were all in the same van last year, with newcomers Michael and Liz.  

We came up with nicknames for everyone in our van.  Glen was the Gazelle.  Eddie was the Turtle.  Michael was Hadji.  Liz was Stumbellina and sometimes the Cole-Fay.  Shannon was Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-my-Corona but mostly Princess.  I was White Lightning.  At the start line I met Sione Fa who was a contestant on Season 7 of the Biggest Loser.  He told me he reads my blog all the time.  Just kidding.  But he was nice enough to pose for a picture with me.  Then another guy asked if he could get a picture with him.  I offered to take it then realized it was a former bishop of mine.  He was running on a team with another guy that I recruited into Ragnar in '08.

My first leg was 7.02 miles.  I decided to get wild and crazy and run without a shirt on.  Believe me when I say I wasn't as crazy as the guy who was wearing a thong and had temporary Ragnar symbols tattooed on both cheeks.  (You should have seen the look of horror on some kids' faces.)  However, I did do some manscaping of the pectoral region.  Let me set the stage.  A month ago I caught some Ragnar fever and wanted to shave my team name into my chest hair.  Our team name last year was Rio's Ruthless Runners.  Even I'm not that hairy to get the full name in, so here's what I came up with -

A couple of days later I got an email from our team captain saying he wanted to change the name to Innovators @ Rio!  So now I had to put Rogaine on and hope I could grow some hair back before the race.  I tried trimming it down to even things out.  As race day drew nearer I was getting worried.  A man who can't grow a nice rug of hair on his chest in a month isn't much of a man. 

To play it smart, I opted to shave the Ragnar symbol in my chest with the not-as-manly follicles that remained.  It was one of the crazier things I've done.  Some of the pictures that were taken have prompted me to do another round of P90X.  I'm starting to get a bit Pillsburyish.

Am I lopsided?  As you can see, the symbol is there, but not as profound as I hoped for.  Did I mention I did my back, too?

Notice the guy in front of me.  He passed me like I was standing still.  His shirt said captain.  I would have been mad that he passed me, but he complimented my "cut."  Now look at the guy in front of him.  He was dressed like Lieutenant Dangle.  His shorts were quite short and snug.  I couldn't resist giving him a good game as I passed him.  He chuckled.

I projected a 7:38 pace for this leg but could only manage a 7:39.  My splits were 7:11, 7:33, 7:35, 7:44, 7:47, 7:52, and 7:53.  That kind of set the tone for not hitting the rest of my projections :(

After our van finished our first set of legs we went and showered at a friend/coworkers house near the second major exchange.  Then I get a text message from Kelli.  She said she just parked next to a van with my name on it.  I'm like, big deal.  Someone else running is named Burt.  So I say, "My name?  It says Burt McCumber on their van?"  She said, "Yeah.  It was like - who the heck is Burt McCumber, or something like that."  I said, "Shut up!"  She said, "No really.  I'll take a picture next time I see it."  I told her to find out who it was, too because I wanted to punch them.

Turns out my cyberstalking skills have taken me to a whole new level.  Every year I wish everyone good luck who has Ragnar on their Athlinks.com calendar.  I guess this team has a bunch of Athlinkers who wonder who I am.  Excuse me for being polite!  ;)

My second leg was 6.46 miles.  This was crazy.  A portion of this was on a very rocky trail in the dark.  Then there was this very steep downhill.  I charged down it as fast and as safe as I could.  There's no way people didn't get hurt there.  Right after that I got passed by a girl.  I tried running right behind her because the light from our combined head lamps was helping with the visibility.  I couldn't keep up with her for very long though.  The uphill, sand, rocks, dark, and cold were all momentum killers.  My average pace was 8:51 and my splits were 8:22, 8:41, 8:43, 9:01, 8:54, 9:14, and a 9:07 pace for the 0.46.

I got to see Kelli and Jose.  I also met Eric.

I know it's dark, but no I did not have my hand on the golf ball in Kelli's bum.

I did get some good pics of Jose changing his clothes in the van.  I'll post them later.  I also saw Team Running 4 Nie.  That was the team I was on when I did Wasatch Back.  They were an all girl team this time. 

My last leg was 7.86 miles.  There was more than 800 feet of downhill so I figured I'd fly through it.  But my legs were not cooperating.  I managed a sub 8 pace.  Yep.  7:59.  One day I'd like to run it while I'm fresh.  This is almost the exact same last leg I ran last year.  Last year I ran it faster.  I think my calf tightened up to the point that I adjusted my stride, and then my hamstring tightened up, also.  But I'm all right with it.  These races are just for fun.  And fun is what we had.  Can't wait for the next one.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 21.34
Weight: 0.00
Total Distance
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 87.69
Weight: 195.67
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